I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
