so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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