We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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