i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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