1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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