Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
