he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
