i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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