No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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