I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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