she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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