Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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