It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
