I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
