Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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