made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
