I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
