why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
