i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
