oh god the rape fog is back!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
