Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize