We're facebook friends in real life
I think my fart just growled at me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
