do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
