just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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