do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
