Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
