New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
