The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
