The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
