i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
