I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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