She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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