Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
