they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
