Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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