Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
