You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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