hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
