and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
