You're my little dorito
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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