He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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