This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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