It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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