WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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