it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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