I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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