We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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