I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
