Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
