Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize