So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
