Someone shit on the floor
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
