u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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