I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is Oprah even human
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
