I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
