yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
