I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
