You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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