so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
