Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
