Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
