Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
