hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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