please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
