i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you had me at cake vodka
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
