Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
