I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
