no, he came in my armpit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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