We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
