I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
