one two three fourrrrnication!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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