I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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