There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
