There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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