you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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