No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
