I want to make a zoo with you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm passing your future prison.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
